..::Jack Black (Narrator)::..

A long ass fuckin’ time ago,

In a town called Kickapoo,

There lived a humble family

Religious through and through.

But yay there was a black sheep

And he knew just what to do.

His name was young J.B. and he refused to step in-line.

A vision he did see-eth

Fuckin’ rockin’ all the time.

He wrote a tasty jam and all the planets did align.



..::Jack Black (Son)::..

Oh the dragons balls were blazin’ as I stepped into his cave,

Then I sliced his fuckin’ cockles,

With a long and shiney blade!

was I who fucked the dragon,

Fuckalize sing-fuckaloo!

And if you try to fuck with me,

Then I shall fuck you too!

Gotta get it on in the party zone!

I gots to shoot a load in the party zone!

Gotta lick a toad in the party zone!

Gotta suck a chode in the party zone!

[Crying]



..::Meat Loaf (Father)::..

You’ve disobeyed my orders, son,

Why were you ever born?.

Your brother’s ten times better than you,

Jesus loves him more.

This music that you play for us comes from the depths of hell.

Rock and roll’s The Devil’s work, he wants you to rebel.

You’ll become a mindless puppet;

Beelzebub will pull the strings!

Your heart will lose direction,

And chaos it will bring.

You’d better shut your mouth,

Better watch your tone!

You’re grounded for a week with no telephone!

Don’t let me hear you cry,

Don’t let me hear you moan!

You gotta praise The Lord when you’re in my home!



..::Jack Black (Son)::..

Dio can you hear me?

I am lost and so alone.

I’m askin’ for your guidance.

Won’t you come down from your throne?

I need a tight compadre who will teach me how to rock.

My father thinks you’re evil,

But man, he can suck a cock.

Rock is not The Devil’s work,

It’s magical and rad.

I’ll never rock as long as I am stuck here with my dad.



..::Ronnie James Dio (Dio poster)::..

I hear you brave young Jaybles,

You are hungry for the rock.

But to learn the ancient method,

Sacred doors you must unlock.

Escape your father’s clutches,

And this oppressive neighborhood.

On a journey you must go,

To find the land of Hollywood!

In The City of Fallen Angels,

Where the ocean meets the sand,

You will form a strong alliance,

And the world’s most awesome band.

To find your fame and fortune,

Through the valley you must walk.

You will face your inner demons.

Now go my son and roooooock!



..::Jack Black (Narrator)::..

So he went from fuckin’ Kickapoo with hunger in his heart;

And he journeyed far and wide to find the secrets of his art;

But in the end he knew that he would find his counterpart.

Rock. Ro-o-o-o-ock. Ro-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ock.